𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑴𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝑳𝒊𝒌𝒆

The Men I Like - Don't Like Me 

Ann Reckley

Often times women have very high standards and expectations of the kind of men they want. Usually its some sort of Alpha male with a very large dating pool and a wide range of options at his disposal. 

Never mind the fact that you are beautiful and you try to attract the alpha male, usually his options are such a variety that... well... you just don't make the cut. Does this sound familiar?

Usually the men I like don't like me. 

Never mind that I may have all the qualities on his checklist, often times a man just loves what he sees rather that what he feels. Ironically he's definitely feeling what he sees if you know what I mean. Ever thought that maybe the guys you like have the same high standards as you?  Impossible ones really. If you're any thing like me, My expectations can seem a bit...unrealistic. But a girls wants what she want right? 

I work hard in life at everything that I do. I try to be a perfectionist when it comes to friendships, relationships and just in my everyday life. Why can't I find the perfect somebody?

I know, I know, no ones perfect, but I do believe that there's a perfect somebody for everyone. Sometimes you'll meet a guy who has some of the qualities you want but lack other qualities which makes you a bit conflicted. In this case, you have to prioritize what's most important to you.

Let's break this down:

You've got the nice guy. 

He messages you every day. Compliments you almost every chance he gets. He sends you the sweetest memes and dorkiest gifs and always makes you feel special. 

But he's probably only checked off little to nothing on your "Standards List". Chances are, he's short, maybe not your type, probably not as successful as you'd like him to be, doesn't really have much goals, you probably dream of this amazing romantic life but it's not him you're seeing in those dreams. Did I get this right?

What about the Alpha male?

Gorgeous. Tall. Extremely attractive. Successful. Gorgeous. Has a lot of goals. Gorgeous and is exactly what you envision when you dream about an amazing romantic life or even your soulmate. Did I mention Gorgeous? But....of course there's a but. 

You can't really expect the best treatment because chances are... he'll rarely text you.  He's probably entertaining  multiple women. Complains he's too busy for you. Is probably filled with excuses. He makes you so conflicted and question whether or not he's into you and such a guy probably doesn't give a damn because he know's all these things about himself, and  that he can easily find a replacement. But you still pursue him anyway. Why?

Maybe we want the unobtainable.

Nothing worth having is easy. So here's my story. I grew up always thinking I was pretty average. I felt like this was it for me and that I was destine to not have it all. I thought I'd have an average life, meet an average guy and work an average job and that would be my story.

 - While this story works for most people, I always felt a sort of emptiness when I thought this would be it for me. Even though I always wrote about these big dreams I had for myself. I would dream that while living in our little island wooden house, this handsome, brave, tall charming man would show up and save me. He would swoop on in and love me like I've never been loved before. 

I would dream that I would become a successful writer and make the people in my community proud when they see my movies and tv shows on Netflix. 

Long story short, I wanted more for myself. I was never a settler. So that way of thinking, that I was less than, was no more. I broke out of that negative mind set and instead of waiting for my knight and shinning armer to save me, I saved myself. And started achieving the unobtainable. 

The things I never thought I'd do. I was so use to seeing these handsome men on tv or around me and feeling like, I could never get that. He would never be with a girl like me. To saying, I want that, I can get that, I will get that, and I will be happy - it is quite common to compensate for low self- esteem with inflated sense of self-importance, with “I deserve” but I deserved it. I had to remind myself that I was just as good as the next woman. 

So I set my standards higher. I thought about everything that I wanted in a man everything I desired and dreamed of. Everything I knew would make me happy. But found that most guys I like... didn't like me. Awkward... They'll go out with you, sleep with you but they won't date you.

Which brings in Self doubt

You start to doubt yourself and think maybe he's too good for you. You creep his ex profile and you compare yourself to her. How gorgeous she looks vs you. How great they looked together. You question if you'll compare or why would such a perfect couple break up? Do you stand a chance? You start self doubting and then you feel like maybe that nice guy isn't so bad after all and that maybe he's the safer choice. He'll probably treat you the way you deserve to be treated, but he would never be enough. But you start to lack confidence and you settle. We've all done this haven't we?

We've lacked faith in ourselves. And become vastly hard on ourselves when truth is, she's just as flawed as you are and they did not work out so now... here's your chance to do the opposite of what they did; work.

You may ask why the ones you would like are not interested in you? What are they interested in and is that anything like you are or would like to be?

This is a call for self-examination, look at yourself as objectively as you can, calmly, don’t dis yourself or the men who either chase you or don’t. Seek understanding not judgments. 

Maybe he's out of my League

Maybe you have a lot of self love and self confidence, and that is wonderful, however it is not enough to change the reality of your situation. Something that's just hard to admit is when a guy is just straight up out of your league. Not saying that you don't deserve him but with today's society guys go for the model types and the trophy wives. And you shouldn't take it personally or beat yourself up because of someone's shallow dating preference.

Always remember that you will never be enough for the wrong guy. 

Women on the other hand, often go for a more successful man. Women love stability and prefer to date a man that's financially stable and attractive. While all these things are good, what do you have to offer?

Ultimately I believe its all about Fate and Connections

We drive ourselves nuts when it comes to this. We are told not to come off as desperate and not to come on too strong. We are told not tell him you like him or don't text him as much and to fall back a little. To give him space and try to be everything he wants and make him fall for you. This is just too much pressure for women. I believe ultimately it's suppose to just feel right. It should be natural and it should feel easy. 

You should connect with someone and it shouldn't be all these complications and it shouldn't be this hard. 

If it is...  then maybe you're the reason its not working because you're putting too much pressure on both yourself and him (I'm guilty of this) or maybe, just maybe, he's just not the one.

You should never settle. You should be with the type of guy you want to be with. You should go with the flow and just be unapologetically you. And hopefully you don't have shit luck like I do and actually meet a guy that you like and he likes you too.

© 2020 Ann Reckley All Rights Reserved