I Get Easily Obsessed With Men — It’s A Problem

Ann Reckley

All my life I’ve fallen for men way too fast. I get fixated on the idea of who they are and how our romance will play out. Instead of taking time to get to know who they really are, I fall for my fantasy instead. This is why it creates nothing but trouble for me:

1. I GET CRUSHES Pretty easily.

If a man is attractive, funny, and nice to me, that’s pretty much all it takes. The longer I’m single, the worse it gets. Not to mention if he’s straight and not a total douchebag, I'm more than likely crushing hard on him. Or maybe I'm attracted to douchebags too? That's a topic for a different day...

2. I FALL FOR THE IDEA OF WHO A GUY IS.

The biggest problem with obsessing from afar is that you don’t even get to know the dude. You just watch the way he acts and make up this idea of who he is in your head. You fall for that guy instead of the flawed, imperfect human he actually is. This creates impossible expectations. This is literally how obsession starts. Because you don't know him, yet you find yourself head over heels for a perfect stranger.
3. YOU STALK GUYS ON SOCIAL MEDIA WHEN YOU FEEL HE'S IGNORING YOU

Yeah, I know — not creepy at all. It becomes so toxic that you watch their every move. You're the first to like/see a post, see their stories and wait for it ---- When they were last active online. I feel like I can get a good idea of who they are as people without having to risk anything first. Before I go off on him, Is he actually ignoring me? --Let's see when he was last active. The details of his story --- Why isn't he responding if he's just at home? Am I the only girl he's seeing? --- Let's check the comments of his most recent posts. Yeah... Obsession.

4. I FIXATE ON A MAN’S GOOD QUALITIES.

It’s much easier to focus on the great characteristics of a virtual stranger than to recognize his flaws and understand that he wouldn’t be a good match for you. This leads to trouble when you actually pursue a man and end up disappointed with what you get. Moving too fast gets you nowhere at all, Yet we do it every time!

5. I IMAGINE OUR FUTURE TOGETHER.

Talk about getting ahead of myself! Before we’re even dating, I start Fantasizing about our relationship. I go about things all backwards, and it obviously doesn’t work... EVER! When the guy in question doesn’t actually fit into this imaginary mold, I end up confused and disappointed. And in most cases, scare the guy off.

6. I DECIDE THAT I CAN TOTALLY MAKE THE OBJECT OF MY OBSESSION LOVE ME.

This is when I drift into cray-cray territory and have to reel myself back in. I like someone who has no idea how I feel and I decide I can make him mine. Apparently, he gets no say in the matter. I know how I feel, and what's going on in my head so I should have full control over what happens next. Even if I do somehow get the guy, I end up dissatisfied with the reality of the relationship. He's not even close to what I imagined him to be yet sometimes... I find my self still holding on to that fantasy, the future I imagined and the idea of him. Wondering why I'm working so hard for something that's bound to fail.

7. I MAKE UP IMPOSSIBLE SCENARIOS ABOUT MEN IN MY HEAD.

I'm sure we're all guilty of this! I ended up a writer for a reason. I constantly make up romantic stories in my head out of nowhere. I find a guy, fall for him, and create all these mental narratives of how sweetly our love will begin. Never mind that he’s oblivious to all of this and will never do what I imagine or even close to it. But in my head, he's this perfect, romantic guy and we live a perfect and romantic life. You've done this too right?..... Right?

8. I TAKE EVERY LITTLE GESTURE A GUY MAKES TO MEAN SOMETHING IT DOESN’T.

When I get fixated on someone, I look for hope in everything. Forget that he has no idea what’s going on and isn’t trying to give me any ideas! Poor guy. I end up analyzing his every move while he’s just going about life not worrying about giving some random girl false impressions. I can’t get mad at him because it’s my own damn fault. Why do I keep doing this to myself? 

9. I’M CRUSHED WHEN I REALIZE THE GUY I LIKE DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY.

I should’ve wised up by now, but it still stings to realize that whichever man I’m fixated on doesn't view me, the same way I view him. To be fair, I’m terrible at flirting, or expressing how I feel, so he probably thinks I'm just too much or too little. Most cases though... too much. I just want some unrealistic fantasy where he sees how amazing I am and decides I must be his. It’s yet to happen, and I have to stop this crap.

10. I IGNORE THE FACT THAT HE ISN'T LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP

This is the worst: when I like a guy and  he's not looking for anything serious. I’m so entrenched in my crush by then that I decide to overlook that fact. I don’t do anything about my obsession, because I convince myself that, I can change this. Still, the feelings live on in spite of my best intentions. Nothing feels more pathetic than investing all your emotions and time and effort into a guy and in return you get nothing but left on read, no effort, no emotion,  -- Nothing but a figment of your imagination of what you hope to achieve but YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ACHIEVE IT! I need to fix my issues pronto.

So tell me in the comments, I want to hear your thoughts and opinions on this matter. Am I alone? 

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